i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
why do cheetos always look like penises
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
