I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
