Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
