I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
