I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
