Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
