You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
