I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
