but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
