i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
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We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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