His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
