I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
