I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
