Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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