Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
