I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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