So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
