it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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