I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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