i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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