somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
A+ Viking dick
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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