I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
