I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
This toilet bowl is my home.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
