my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
he just fucked me for my cheese..
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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