I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize