I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
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