peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
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