On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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