So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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