what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
