Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
