haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
