His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
