Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
