did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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