well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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