You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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