she was so not down for the gang bang
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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