I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
