i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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