Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
