That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
