i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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