Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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