How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
