I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
