listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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