Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize