She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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