i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
