Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
