i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
