I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I will pee on everything he values.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
