i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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