If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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