I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
