Dude my mom stole all your condoms
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
