Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
