you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
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I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
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Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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