a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize