Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
