There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
