i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Randomize
