Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
