He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
