dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I skipped work to stalk him.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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