I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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