herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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