if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize