goodnight i made you a song goodbye
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
