you guys were way drunker than both of me
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
