You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
